JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
