Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this boner is exhausting
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
