i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
