im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i love accidental penises.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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