Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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