From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
