There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
50% drunk capacity currently
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
