trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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