Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
