are you still at the devil's house?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
