can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
