how can u be prego again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
as a side note pls kill me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
