i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
