Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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