i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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