ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
