Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
