This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
