I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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