if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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