I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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