3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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