Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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