you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
