no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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