Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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