Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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