new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
