i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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