Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
