gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
