so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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