I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
