I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
