she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
