I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize