he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
