Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
