Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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