Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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