I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
