Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
