My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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