It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
