you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
