dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
