I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
