I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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