I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
