sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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