woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
