I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
