4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
