TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
