Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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