i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
They took my balls.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
