I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
