I think I died a long time ago.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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