Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
