man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
