I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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