Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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