you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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