i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
