i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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