she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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