East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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