Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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