my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
