New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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