things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
