Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize