i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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