We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
