He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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