go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cockslap morals
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize