You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what day is it and did you see me today?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
