He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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