so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
