u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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