Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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