If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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