Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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