My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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