Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
