I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
