I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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