OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
