How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize