very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
