you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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