the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
