well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
