we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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