I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
