my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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