we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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