Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
