508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize