I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
