Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
